for Mythological Creatures, Time Travelers, and Galactic Tourists Private Shopper Info
Are you visiting for yourself or helping an intergalactic client? Do you have time to be a personal shopper for a giant, vampire, or fairy?
Please request a shopping list at the ticket counter and return the list when you leave.
⦁ STARGATE: Arrivals and Departures are scheduled on the chalkboard. Please note the delays and meet your client or clients at the Stargate. Confirm that they have the same number of limbs they had when they left their home planet. Complaints may be filed at the ‘Returns and Complaints Department’ (which is currently not operating).
⦁ PASSPORT: Take your client though Passport Photos in the Lobby. Poke your heads or your most recognizable feature through the holes and take a passport photo. Please use an Earth camera so the images show up in our color and light spectrum.
The lobby is FREE and does not require a daily membership to the Department Store.
The 72 Rules must be read before entry in the DoodleHATCH Department Store. The first 10 must be followed by humans.
Please wear a mask, keep a 6 foot distance from others not in your party, and follow the yellow road in one direction. If you touch something, please wipe it with the disinfecting cloth supplied at the front desk.
⦁ DISINFECTANT: Please make sure you squirt some disinfectant on your hands or appendages, fins, claws and any tentacles used for touching, before getting measured. After getting measured and paying your 2-hour membership fee, please accept a disinfectant wipe from the front desk personnel. Use the disinfectant wipe on anything you touch! Help us keep all our visitors healthy. Earth germs can be especially problematic for our intergalactic visitors.
⦁ MEMBERSHIP: If your party wishes to enter the DoodleHATCH Department Store, they require a membership ticket good for a two-hour visit. No purchases inside the Department Store are necessary. Measure yourself and your clients at the Ticket Tree. The fee is 10 cents per inch of height. Human Children are usually around $5. Human Adults are usually around $7. Fairies 5 inches in height are 50 cents. Dragons are around $12. The monetary system in use this millennium is American Dollars from the planet Earth, for the convenience of the human staff.
⦁ MASKS: These breathing hole or blow hole coverings are required during the COVID Outbreak on planet Earth. They can be used as fashion items on other planets and make a lovely lightweight and useful Souvenir. Masks are available in the DoodleSHOP. Creatures that speak using rustling and sounds generated by movement are only required to cover their breathing apparatus, not their sound generators.
⦁ LEE ANDERSEN FACTORY STORE: This first Department sells the human clothes Lee and her design team make here in the same building as DoodleHATCH Department Store. She supplied about 500 other boutiques around the US before COVID, but is currently only supplying her factory store here, another at Historic Savage Mill and her online website customers through LeeAndersen.com. Product is available at specially reduced Factory Store prices. Souvenirs in the form of artistic hats, scarves and mittens make ideal holiday, birthday and spawning date gifts. If your client makes a purchase of over $50 they get their membership fee for the day deducted off the price of their purchase. This courtesy does not extend to the DoodleSHOP or mask purchases.
⦁ SPECIAL ORDER LEE ANDERSEN CLOTHING: Some items may be made in a particular size or color for you. The product must be paid for in advance and collected at a prearranged day and time. No additional Membership fee will be charged at pick up. Delivery time is generally around two weeks.
⦁ DOODLEHATCH CLOTHING DEPARTMENT: If you are a fairy or very small by human standards, we have a lovely selection of sweaters, dresses and tiny hats. The items on display are samples only. Place a special order at the front desk for your item. There will be a multiple year delay in production. If you wish to make products for the clothing department, you are welcome to make non-returnable samples. Booties for babies of all sizes are also available by special order. Please see our samples and specify color and foot size. Do not expect to receive them.
Creatures from other planets and solar systems, with four arms and legs, who have forgotten their pajamas, will be delighted to find we offer this product. Sweaters with six arms are also a DoodleHATCH Department Store specialty. Place your order at the DoodleSHOP. Payment in rubies, gold, or diamonds is preferred.
⦁ EVENT SPACE: The space with the egg shells has been left open while we round up all the chicks. If you would like to book the DoodleHATCH Department Store for a special event, for example the wedding of a mermaid to a human or even the more traditional earthly human to human marriage, please see the front desk for the price schedule and available dates. Ceremonies may take place on the Troll Bridge with a small bribe to the Troll. Seating for approximately 80 beings of roughly human size will be provided along with the rental of the space. No food may be eaten while sitting but finger food eaten while standing is acceptable. Fingers available in the Zombie Body Part Department. Mind altering beverages and H20 may be available. Please inquire at the front desk.
⦁ TROLL BRIDGE: This hand carved bridge is part of our fine housing department and may be ordered from Silver Drum Builders owned by Brian Silverman and Brian Drummond. Trolls must specify the width of the river or swamp to be crossed. Please also specify the anticipated number of hooves crossing per week. Old Trolls may walk around the side of the bridge rather than stick to the steep yellow path over the bridge.
⦁ WALL OF PRIVACY: This wall provides additional seating for very small shy creatures who are resting from their shopping excursion. Please don’t stare directly at them as they are easily embarrassed.
⦁ AUNTIE ORGANICS BY ROBERT REED: This is an artistic rendition of a previous group of clients. They recommended DoodleHATCH as a great shopping experience and have given Hawaiian artist Robert Reed permission to reproduce their experience for other shoppers to see. These modern ants have accompanied their Queen Ant and are using shopping carts to collect genetically modified foods.
⦁ NOWHERE TO HIDE BY ROBERT REED: Robert has also been commissioned by wildlife here in American cities to express consternation at the conflict between their habitat and the needs of the growing numbers of humans. Each car accident has consequences for both the wildlife and the humans driving their cars.
⦁ QUEEN OF THE LONGEST NIGHT BY LEE ANDERSEN: This clothing item was made for the very tall ‘Queen of the After Life’ at the request of Toby Orenstein of Toby’s Dinner Theater. The queen kindly agreed to appear in the play Magic Under Glass with music written by Michael Kline.
⦁ OH MY GEODE, DIAMOND IN THE FLUFF, YOU ARE TUTU MUCH BY ROBERT REED: This delightful red artwork represents another one of the DoodleHATCH clients. This species has no front, no back, nor up, nor down. They have no specific gender. They are beautiful.
⦁ BEDDING DEPARTMENT: We cater to many types of needs. Our specialty is Giantess Beds complete with Teddy Bears. Mattresses, sheets, coverlets and quilts are available in a variety of colors. Bedbugs are an added tasty treat. Vampires who like bling will also find a range of sequined coffins, coffin-shaped luxurious red sheets, and purple fur pillows. By order only. Our giant Baby Pram is available for hire. It is currently being used by a pink kangaroo visiting the Wishing Well Department. Dormouse Beds are kept in the Mad Hatter Tea Party Department. The Fairy Beds were donated to DoodleHATCH by Lexi Sands. Baby Ogre Beds are opposite the Troll House Cookie Kitchen.
We apologize for the confusing layout of the Bedding Department. We are, in fact, confused!
⦁ MUSIC DEPARTMENT: We are currently only supplying red and gold organs to Phantoms and basic black pianos to vampires. The handheld instruments are on the shelving behind the books. If you have other instruments you would like to donate, please tell the front desk personnel. Damage may occur.
⦁ BOOK NOOK: Books are donated for reading. Stories are NOT true but are for entertainment. Educational porpoises are asked to stay in the Mermaid Grotto.
Use the disinfectant supplied before reading and avoid nose exploration. If you need a new nose because yours is itchy, too moist, or has boogers, please see the Body Parts Department. If you wish to purchase extra Boogers, please visit the potions Department or DoodleSHOP. If you have a sensitive snout, please visit the DoodleSHOP to purchase our “special” boxes of tissues.
⦁ TEDDY BEAR PICNIC: Our conference center can only handle small creatures. It is currently being used by the Teddy Bear Association for their annual Picnic. The speaker today is Dr. Jennifer Lee who specializes in Teddy Genetics. Our conference menu includes Honey and Marmalade sandwiches. WARNING: Betting at card games is frowned upon as the Teddies playing cards already have a full house each.
There are over 100 Teddy Bears visiting DoodleHATCH at this time. They are playing hide and seek. Can you help us find them?
⦁ YETI SETTEE: Yeti Furniture is also a specialty of the DoodleHATCH Department Store. Please do NOT wake the yeti testing the comfort of our furniture. He will be hungry as he's been hibernating here for a year.
⦁ LILY POND: Thirteen Frogs are currently visiting DoodleHATCH. The wedding dress with a pond and koi fish painted on it started as a white wedding dress. It was transformed for the wedding of a Princess to a Prince who had been turned into a frog by a witch. He deserved it at the time. The gown has been donated to DoodleHATCH by local human Maddy Halbach, in honor of our amphibious visitors.
⦁ WIGS: Hairpieces with sailing ships are all the rage in time periods accessed through our time travel machine. Be prepared. Order your wig now. Delivery directly to the time period requested. Some inter-temporal shipping costs will apply.
⦁ FLORAL FLAVORED CAKES AND COOKIES: This small but delicious department has display items only. Products for immediate sale are available at the DoodleSHOP. Please chew each bite for one hour before swallowing.
⦁ MAD HATTER TEA PARTY: DoodleHATCH supplies all tea party needs. We are looking for donations of comfy nests for sleepy storytelling Dormice. We are also looking for donations of teacup beds for delicate fairies. Please note the sculpture in the center of the table made from donated teacups and teapots. Tables are also for sale by special order. This one is taller at one end and shorter at the other. It is ideal for young guests of varying heights.
Small Parties may be booked in this Department. Please see the front desk personnel for details. Girls Night Out may include wine glasses. Birthday parties may include a cake from our Cake and Cookie Department. You may arrange to bring your own for a lower rental cost.
⦁ MERMAID GROTTO: The undersea mosaic mural was donated by the Howard County Library system. The window of Gallery Glass of an undersea starry sky world was created by Doe Badley. Look up to see the Manta Ray and Sea bird by Karen Jack. The seafloor mural and Jelly Fish were created by Cybele Pomeroy. Mermaids visiting humans are most welcome to spend time relaxing in our Mermaid Spa. A claw foot tub would be a welcome donation to our spa. Delivery would be doubly welcome. Products such as decorated treasure boxes, pearl necklaces, shell combs and scale-polish may also be donated to DoodleHATCH while we are waiting for our delivery. United Pirate Shipping (UPS) has been delayed at sea by a Kraken and it may be some time before our shipment arrives. Packaged Jelly Fish and Goldfish are available at the DoodleSHOP along with bottled salt water for our ocean living clients. H2O is also available. While humans are 60% water, please do NOT squeeze them if you are thirsty. True, they will leak fluids from their eyes, but they also squeal loudly and this is disruptive to others.
⦁ SAND CASTLE: Our larger clients sometimes wish to rent Humans to put in their home terrariums for entertainment. They like to watch humans do what humans do. If you are human and wish to be rented to a giant alien species for their entertainment for a period of not less than one Sol revolution, we have standard agreements available at the Front Desk.
WARNING: The death rate is extremely high as immature giants tend to forget to feed their pets.
A manual on the ‘Care and Feeding of Humans’ is for sale at the DoodleShop.
⦁ LADIES IN WAITING: These lovely ladies were created by artist Meg Schaap. They are assembled from magazines, wire and paint. Note the sailing vessel in the wig. The beaded work in the right corner is made from the plastic bags that newspapers come in. Meg is a past winner of the ManneqART Annual Competition for Sculpture on the Human Form. If you are an artist and wish to create, lend or donate an art installation to DoodleHATCH, please send info to Lee@LeeAndersen.com.
⦁ UNICORN GROOMING SALON – "THE MANE SALON." Unicorns are welcome to book appointments at the desk in the salon. Human children interested in painting hooves must bring their own nail polish and brushes. Practice on our unicorns donated by Toby’s Dinner Theater. Please disinfect the handles on the ‘Practice Unicorns after practice-riding them!’ Practice-ride them only with Adult supervision. Real unicorns buck as they are ticklish. Alicorns are asked not to fly inside DoodleHATCH.
WARNING To UNICORNS: Our grooming team is made up of Human Children with very little training. They may be more interested in riding you than curling your mane or painting your hooves in the latest fashion colors.
⦁ POTIONS AND HERB DEPARTMENT: Please do not disturb the witches/warlocks/ pharmacists creating potions. Do not remove the supplies from the Potion Department. The Dragon Sir Silvius is watching. He appears to be very still but his geode eyes see all. Sir Silvius was hatched in the garden of Alaina Pomeroy.
Purchases of your own potions and components can be made at DoodleSHOP.
⦁ DEAD AND BREAKFAST CAFE: Our cauldrons are tested at the FantasyWood Festival on Memorial Day Weekend at Merriweather Park each year. Children are served in the form of a nice stew with healthy vegetables they themselves have selected. The Cauldrons are by order only. Please specify size, weight and level of magic. We ask Skeletons to please clean up after themselves. If you have a bone to pick, please pick with discretion.
Please note: Gifts such as a fine bottle of A-B negative blood may be purchased at the DoodleSHOP along with birthday cards for your 600-year old vampire friends. Please book the Dead and Breakfast Cafe for your intimate birthday party after hours. If you prefer your blood warm, please see Management to book a donor or rent a microwave. We have a small human catering kitchen plus the Troll House Cookie Oven.
⦁ SIR SILVIUS SILVER SCULPTURE AND SAFE: Stash your treasures with Sir Silvius the Dragon. He offers both traditional methods of displaying your hoard and also more modern investment strategies. Your stocks and bonds can be invested with him or just kept in his safe here at DoodleHATCH.
DoodleHATCH Junk Bonds signed by Sir Silvius are available at the front desk. Please treat them as souvenirs of your visit. They have absolutely no value.
⦁ VALGOOK ROCKING CHAIR: This chair is part creature and part furniture. Want one? Upon their demise, have your favorite pet creature turned into a nice piece of furniture! Alternatively, animate your most comfy chair using our Animation Services. Some feeding of your new chair may be required. Crumbs that fall behind cushions usually suffice.
⦁ CUSHION: See our selection of cushions made from fluffy cats. Prefer to use your own cat? Hint! Persians with a bad attitude make the best cushions. Ragdoll cats are the most comfortable.
⦁ TROLL HOUSE COOKIE KITCHEN: All our Trolls called in sick this morning. They like to test their own products. It may have been the Crunchy Cockroach Cookies or the Maggot Macadamia Nut Icing. They will be back to sell you cookies next time you visit. Note the oven they cook in. It is fired up by our local dragon, to whom we feed Children Stew with veggies. The dragon also supplies the heat for DoodleHATCH in winter. Summer Cooling is provided by the Yeti, currently sleeping on the Yeti Settee. Prepackaged Troll House Cookies are available at the DoodleSHOP.
⦁ HOBBIT HOUSE: This lovely abode is part of the DoodleHATCH Housing Department. Please check out the inside before selecting your furniture. Order a Hobbit House for delivery! Alternatively, our Hobbit Houses may be stick-built directly into the side of your hill with additional burrowing required to provide extra rooms.
⦁ FAIRY VILLAGE: This village is ACTUAL SIZE. It is currently under construction! Are you a fairy house builder who would like to donate a sample of your work? Do you have other products you make that will improve the lives and leisure of the Fairy community? Can you also provide multiple production units and do you wish to sell them at the DoodleSHOP? Please see the front desk personnel.
Builders: Please build to actual size to avoid confusion.
Fairies: If placing an order, please allow additional time if your house requires seeds or grasses only available in the fall.
⦁ DOODLETOPIA: NOT ACTUAL SIZE! Test build your city before ordering it to avoid costly mistakes. Please bring your own cars, aircraft, Legos, miniaturized people and dinosaurs to test your city. These restrictions will stay in place until after COVID. When you have settled on the number of buildings and location of each, please specify the planet for delivery. All DoodleTopia Cities come complete with a basic road system and a central lake for entertainment.
Note: Planets with low metal content will have additional costs associated with construction. A captured asteroid ready for mining will mitigate some of these costs. Please allow for cost overruns of 199954%. Avoid costly litigation by looking ahead 200 light years.
⦁ TIME TRAVEL MURAL: Artist Syeda Rahman captured the likeness of a visiting Time Traveler. Look up! The two very long photographs above your head were created by MICA student Jonathan C. Tundle. He used a pinhole camera made from a cardboard box with a pencil to hold the film. In one photo, he wound the film by rotating the pencil as he rode around Baltimore. The missing parts of the truck were the result of the film not being able to process the full image coming through the pinhole. He rode in the MARC train for the other photo. Notice the people closest are thinner because they pass out of view of the pinhole quicker. The people at the back are wider.
⦁ ZOMBIE BODY PART DEPARTMENT: If you are an older Zombie and have had difficulty finding matching parts with stretch marks, cellulite and droopy boobs, visit our famous display wall for suggestions. If you lost a leg, you probably lost your shoe. We have lovely purple furry shoes so your replacement is more fashion-forward than the original. Other creatures needing parts are welcome to peruse the offerings. We have multicolored intestines with bloating and discomfort to match your missing intestines. Our boobs have furry nipples. If you must replace, why not improve!
Please special order new limbs by sending in a photograph of the part you are missing. That is a joke. Tee he he. We know you can’t do that because you lost the body part! Please photograph what you have remaining and we will do our artistic best to create a match.
Note: Zombies with television or film careers: Please check the surrounding areas before leaving the set or outdoor filming location for your body parts. You may be paid well, but a quick repair is still cheaper than a complete replacement. Invest your savings with The Dragon Sir Silvius and retire before Zombie movies fall out of flavor. Tee he he. Whoops. Fell out of favor!
⦁ WAITING ROOM FOR VETERINARIAN SERVICES: TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL. When booking an appointment, please specify which one of you is the pet. To clarify, the pet is the one who is not paying the bill. Are you a cyclops needing bifocals? Is your skin itchy or falling off? Is it allergies or do you suspect a curse? Have you been giving your eye teeth away for dubious reasons? Our veterinarians are here to help you. Please join the customers with similar issues to get a group discount on services. Enjoy your wait.
WARNING: If you have made an appointment after hours and a nurse suggests a quick bite, she may not be asking you out on a date. She could be a vampire vet getting a blood sample, or an opportunist vampire customer dressed in a nurse’s outfit. Beware.
⦁ UPSIDE DOWN REAL ESTATE: This mural is a display of the fine collection of houses and nests that are not in our normal Housing Department. If you need a tax deduction, please consider one of these fine properties. The pagoda is a non-profit retirement home for elderly dragons. Donations are accepted at the front desk.
⦁ MUSICAL WISHING WELL: Clients may make wishes by throwing coins in the glass and crystal containers on the floor of the wishing well. The wishes are written on the sides of the containers. More difficult wishes like World Peace have smaller openings at the top. Easier wishes, like a smile from a friend, have wider openings. Any coins thrown in the containers belong to the Wishing Well Association of AmericA. If you do not receive your wish in the next 200 years, please apply to the WWAAA for a refund. You can throw multiple coins in sequence and hit particular wish vessels to make music.
⦁ FANG U. DENTAL SCHOOL: Clients may make appointments for fang removal or fang fillings. Please note: the dental chair has got some goop left over from the last client. We are not sure if it threw up after visiting the Dead and Breakfast Cafe, ate a Cockroach Cookie from the Troll House Cookie Kitchen, had a bad reaction to the anesthesia potion, or was just naturally slimy.
We have a nice supply of replacement brains if you are not remembering well. We also supply zombies with fresh brains for consumption, so FANG U could be considered a medical facility or a supermarket, depending on your needs
TELEPORTATION UNIT: Under Repair. All teleportation is at your own risk. We recommend not to risk it with this unit until repairs are complete and it has been tested. If you wish to be a test subject, please see the front desk personnel. This unit is currently causing permanent limb distortion. Please see the Body Part department for a new limb if yours are dragging on the ground.
⦁ ROBOT REPAIR DEPARTMENT: Are your arm movements jerky and clanky? Do you have loose screws that need tightening? Our young human apprentices will be delighted to experiment on you. Please leave your body parts here for maintenance work along with a clear record of your symptoms and budget. Any body parts not reclaimed after 10 years will be sent to the Body Part Department for resale to offset costs for storing body parts for the past decade.
⦁ TRANSPORTATION REPAIR DEPARTMENT: The item being repaired at this time is owned by Toby’s Dinner Theater. The budget allocation is zero. We are unsure if this is a time machine, spaceship or helicopter. Our ‘Repair-Volunteers of Dubious Experience’ are working diligently on it.
⦁ GROUND CONTROL: The clocks are set at different times. One is local time at Cape Canaveral in Florida, USA. The other clock is set at local time at the Russian Space Ground Control in Kazakhstan. The television is showing 8 different lift off sequences in a loop. The seating is for buckling in before take-off. Please wipe buckles with disinfectant upon returning to Earth to avoid spreading space-alien germs. You've seen the movies!
⦁ SPACE STATION: The main power supply and sequence of lights must be activated to ensure a safe lift off. Please follow the chart on the left wall. Deactivate the switches in reverse order to safely land the space craft. Messages may be sent to other planets in our solar system via the computer on the desk. The time to send the message will be displayed when you click on the planet after recording your message. Radio waves travel at the speed of light once they reach space. Other games may be played on the computer. Please clean the keyboard and mouse when you have finished sending your message. Germs are bad for all creatures.
The hatch must be activated in sequence to avoid depressurization and loss of all oxygen in the station. Beware of letting in unauthorized space aliens. An ALARM will sound if the alien attempting to enter the space station is unauthorized.
The sleeping cubby for astronauts is able to be closed off for a quick snooze. Parents, if your aspiring astronaut is missing, please check the sleeping cubby.
Wipe all buttons, knobs and dials with disinfectant when your astronaut has safely initiated take-off and landing and is ready to go to the Departure lounge.
⦁ DEPARTURE LOUNGE: This is where you can wait for your mothership or just your mother. The Gallery Glass Destiny Window was created by Doe Badley with help from students.The ‘paintings are actually photographs of planets taken by local astronaut Dr. Priscilla Jones.
⦁ Post your PHOTOLOCO competition entry in the post box. You MAY receive a prize but don’t hold your breath. You will go blue and pass out, which is not the same as using the exit door correctly.
⦁ DOODLESHOP: Please purchase your souvenirs from the DoodleSHOP using U.S. dollars. Monetary funds from other countries and planets may be exchanged but the rate is horrible. Special orders for products from the DoodleHATCH Department store may be ordered via the GT&T (Galactic Telephone and Telegraph) phone in the Arrivals Lounge. WARNING: Product ordered will never be received.
⦁ EXIT: Please exit through the doors in the Departure Lounge and follow the path out the door to the parking lot. We hope you visit again soon—and bring your friends, be they aliens, vampires, trolls, fairies or giants. We love them all!